This is new

I am restarting my blog after almost a decade. 

The last one wasn't that great. Sure, I had a few followers who made their love known to me. 

But beyond that, it was just a place to dump my drunken thoughts. Well, that was over 10 years ago. 

That blog is long gone - dead and buried. Maybe never to be resurrected. 

This one was needed for my own sanity. When I was regularly writing on the last one, I was in my early twenties. A lot was going through my life. And just like they kept saying, it's gonna get better from here on. 

Well, NO! It doesn't. 

Life, itself, is mysterious. It's devious. 

I have a beautiful notepad and a pen beside me. And I wanna write on it. But the fingers playing on the keyboard give me a different kind of joy. 

Sometimes I feel I was born to do it - under the right conditions. 

So this new blog - Straight Up is about my mid-life situation. I won't call it a crisis because I know it can always get worse. 

I stopped writing on LinkedIn or doing Insta Live. Not my jam. It was a sort of release but then when too many people start peeing in the pool - it really is the time to get out.

I have always been a bit unsure about my writing or my speaking. About how it comes across to those reading or listening to it. Rarely have I ever impressed myself. But as I mentioned before, I did manage to find a few loyal followers or fans back then and over the years. 

And I see what is popular these days, I am not impressed. Seems very low effort, high return kind of thing. Which makes me certain that these won't be remembered for too long. 

I am 36 now. Yeah, it's been a while. When I look back at the time when I was 6 or 16 or 26 - every decade was so different.

When I was 6 - it was the 90's. I was getting started in school. Still getting a sense of my bearings and the world around me. 

At 16, I was killing it - topping exams, debating, quizzing, dating, etc. Didn't last long.

At 26, I was a bit jaded - post my MBA, still in my first job, heartbroken a few times, borderline alcoholic.

And now at 36 - married. 

Where does life take me from here? I am writing because I believe it is important for me to articulate my exact emotions so that I am able to process it. 

Writing is the best way to crystallise your thoughts - is what my teacher told me once. 

Otherwise it is all so nebulous. 

I have always struggled with writing beyond this point because then I either have to make another drink or smoke a cigarette or something. And that is why I have not yet been able to write a novel or even a short story because my attention span in these moments is so short. 

But does that mean I don't qualify as a good writer? Once I had mentioned on my Bumble bio that I am a writer and some more and shared the screenshot with my friends. One friend was quick to point out the contradiction - what have you ever written?

Valid point. 

There is a lot of stuff that I have written but unfortunately those can't be published anywhere.